The Impossible
The impossible happened on Saturday, October 16. My mom took her last breath.
A front had moved through, the air was cool and crisp, the sky was that perfect shade of blue. It was a beautiful day to take flight.
The day before, Jon and I were meeting with our mover. When we got back to the car, I checked my texts. There were two from her nurse: Call me. It’s important. I figured it had to do with a medication change or some agitation or anxiety Mother might be having. I was wrong.
Mother’s heartbeat was a swish, barely moving any blood. Her kidneys were shutting down, she could no longer swallow. Her oxygen saturation was low. I was losing her. Jon and I raced to get there. We were with her all afternoon into early evening. She was resting comfortably when we left.
Saturday morning, I texted Jon at 9:22 that I was with her. Her breathing was easy, and she was peaceful. I called him at 9:45 to tell him she had died. She waited for me, gave me her last 20 minutes. One of Mother’s lasting legacies is her generosity.
It’s been two months and my mother does and doesn’t feel gone. She is closer than a heartbeat. I hear her voice and it’s the voice I’ve heard most of my life, clear, not breathy as it became as her disease progressed. I see her face and it is always glad to see me.
When I was in elementary school, I’d take the bus to downtown Houston and meet my mom at her office. We’d go to the Brown Bag Deli at Foleys for lunch. We loved their Chocolate Rock cookies. She’d take my sister and me to gymnastic meets on Saturdays. We’d go visit my grandmother in Corsicana just about every month.
I have always needed her. After my first mastectomy, Mother would stop by my house every morning on her way to work to strip and clean my drains. After my divorce, she helped me get into my house. And she helped me pretty it up. She stayed with me my first weekend; I had never lived alone.
She fell in love with Jon as I did. She gifted me with my wedding dress. Blessed us as we took off to NOLA to tie the knot. We just celebrated our 21st anniversary and Mother would have loved hearing about it. And I would have loved telling.
While intellectually I always knew my mom would die, I never really believed it. Seemed impossible to me. The Impossible happened on October 16.